After having lived with Shri Param Eswaran, and on visiting Holland again taught me many lessons, also to answer questions, which were asked by people about my life in India. I found that many people were asking me about “the Guru” I live with.
Therefore, this article is to respond a bit more properly then what I might have done.
Shri Param does not call himself a Guru, for various reasons, but mainly because the word Guru in the West where he most of the time teaches is not understood.
At the end it is not important how somebody calls him or herself it all depends on what the
receiver of the teachings, how it feels inside to call the person from whom the teachings come.
Many misconceptions are being spread of what a Guru should or should not be or look like. Guru in Tamil means nothing more and nothing less then Teacher, somebody you go to when you want to learn something. I will use the word Guru in the rest of the story just to help you feel a bit more comfortable with the word.
In life, the all of creation is your Guru if only you are open to it and willing to learn and receive knowledge. I know that there are many judgments about Guru’s in the West. They would brainwash, abuse and mislead their students. In my experience that is not so. Since being with Shri Param, I noticed that he does not volunteer any teachings to me except only at my request. Most of his teachings come from innocent discussions that end up being a learning experience. Any topic that I come up with he gives me questions to think about and to look deeper and yet deeper within myself, thus helping to come up with my own realizations.
Since being in India in the company of Shri Param, I have met many different Gurus. None of them has ever tried to impose their teachings, in fact hardly speak about their knowledge. My latest encounter was with a Guru, a Siddha doctor and practitioner, who could manifest ashes, sandalwood powder, and kumkum from thin air, like Satya Sai Baba does. Sai Baba is a great Guru known in both the east as the west.
The relationship that he and Shri Param shares reconfirms that I am in the company and guidance of a truly humble Guru.
Shri Param Eswaran is a Guru to me, a Guru about life. He teaches me to live my own life, to take responsibility for my life, helping me see my weaknesses and how to appreciate my strength. Most of the times he does it in a very loving and joyful way and yet at times he can be a harsh teacher as well.
He does not place himself higher then me, he always comes as a friend and treats me, as he would like to be treated, yet he is very much aware of manipulative behavior and is very clear in pointing that out. He always encourages, affirming the greatness of being a woman, it is up to me whether I want to apply this to myself, and start living it.
In the beginning, I tested and questioned everything he stood for, yet he never judged me or betrayed the trust I had in him. There were times I did not understand his teachings for me, and I had big fights with him. Yet, he was always there to listen to me, and help me have a clear picture of where the stories my mind came up with. He has always been able to help me find out where I am and where I want to be. He is a master of trapping my ego. At times, I do not like him for doing so since stories and ego most of the times are much more convenient than reality.
In old times, a Guru was somebody who had several disciples. Jesus was a Great Guru, a Guru who taught about love, and He was trapped, deceived and crucified for doing so. Even His disciples betrayed Him at the end.
You can only be with a Guru when your own inner Guru is awaken, because only then you can really receive knowledge and expand on it.
I was not familiar with the term and relationship with a Guru for a long time. A lady in Holland who had been with many Guru’s told me that a relationship with a Guru is ”like a Love affair”. The student has the opportunity to use the Guru for his or her own growth. The Guru allows the student to do so and to sustain the energy shared by student/Guru, the student loves, respects and serves the Guru enjoying every moment he or she can. You use the guru to find your own gratification, in serving the guru.
It is like when you first meet somebody and fall in love. Your energy is high, you enjoy and admire everything the other does, but after a while, the falling in love is over, the energy becomes lower and the admiration becomes lesser and lesser, then the little self, starts finding faults in the other. You go back into mundane living, maybe together this time.
When you first meet a Guru it is special to be with him or her, there is true admiration for the Guru because he shows you things you have never seen or felt before.
WAIT!! It is not so much the Guru who makes you experience things, it is you!!
Because you make it special to be around him or her, your energy is high, your admiration is high, your love for the Guru is high, then things can happen, energy moves and life is beautiful. Unfortunately, after a while, as time goes by you make the Guru become a normality in your life and your life becomes normality as well, the experiences become lesser and energy stops moving. I have seen it happen with many around me, and myself as well. It is a struggle for me to go back to my initial experience, I think it is gone forever, the journey becomes harder and longer but then again real growth can take place.
You loose the beauty you experienced in the presents of your Guru. Yet the Guru remains the same, he or she keeps going on the path they are taking, and if we do not wake up in time they are gone forever from our lives.
The changes are not within the Guru the changes are within you. It is you who made the Guru a part of mundane living. You tend to forget how he or she made you feel in the first place. In that, you will also start looking for his or her faults and judging that.
Believe me, faults you will find many since he or she mirrors only yourself (as everybody else mirrors you).
When the Guru becomes normality in your life, he or she may even become annoying because he or she has not changed; they are constantly the same, always there for you, teaching you. However, because your energy is low or even negative the Guru will help you mirror your own negativity.
The Guru is a like a battery charger, there to charge you with positive feelings, and it is up to you to keep feeding on it.
In the West, the word “Guru” makes a lot of people jump into conclusions, judgments, and negative thoughts. We have a big ego, which prevents us most of the time from true learning. We feel that we know everything, and seldom see what, that what we consider a simple little India Guru, has to offer. A Guru is always there to remind you how special you are, but be aware of your ego that makes you think that you are as great or greater then him or her. In my experience, most Indian Guru’s are very humble, and always make you feel equal, it is their knack of making you feel accepted, for they see the God/Goddess within you, and not your ego. Then again your ego, due to lack of humbleness, do tend to abuse that equality, by making the Guru equal to oneself.
This I have noticed happening many times where students try to feel equal or greater then Sri Param, or trying to test his knowledge.
People have this syndrome of need; a good Guru normally tries to remove the need that the student has for the Guru, because finally it is your inner guru that teaches you, for the Guru is only like a light, lightening up the path. One who is not in touch with one’s inner Guru will never be able to learn from an outer Guru. When one disrespects the outer Guru one will loose contact with one’s inner Guru. One who knows ones inner Guru, would find inner peace and would not experience continuous madness, will not judge others based on one’s own needs, weaknesses or guilt
In my weak moments, I often used to wonder why I did not leave Shri Param as many of my friends have done for various reasons. However, time and time again, he has always been their for me, understanding my madness, never judging me. Over the 2 years with him, I realize that he has a continuous resource of knowledge that might take me a lifetime to absorb. He is a true resource of knowledge for those who have the patience to really grow. Believe me that it is not easy, but with someone like Shri Param by one’s side, it becomes a bit easier.
After the first 3 months of Tantra Teacher Training, I thought that I learned everything that I needed to know about sound-healing. Surprise, surprise, during the next training everything was new again taking us through different aspects of sound. It is more like the universe is having a conversation with him about sound and the goddesses and we are his motivators.
Every lecture that Shri Param gives totally speaks to me as if he knows what I am thinking or wanting to know. Funnily, this is not only for me but also for the other students. All Shri Param’s teachings seem very simple, yet they are very complex
Of course, it is good to be critical, not so much to the Guru but mainly of oneself. As I said, faults you might find plenty but who looses out at the end? Who looses the opportunity to grow beyond certain limitations of the mind, limitations of one’s judgments?
It is not your place to judge the Guru’s actions or behavior, since he can have so many reasons to do so to teach his students. The students view is only limited. It is the same as when a junior student in school judges the teacher about his way of teaching. The student only has to seek for where the Guru can help and teach him.
People might say now that I am living with a Guru I am brainwashed and depending on Shri Param. That will be most inconvenient for him since then he is stuck with me and I will become more a burden then a pleasure to him. Needless, to say that he keeps me on my toes to always maintain equilibrium, and keep standing equal to the task of being part of Mother’s Center.
It is true that I learned many new perspectives on life. That does not mean that I lost my own, I only got a lot more info and experiences, which I can use in life. And yes, I did drop many things that were of no use for me anymore, because they did not work for me the first 30 years so why hang on to them?
A true Guru prepares the students for their life journey, showing them reality, the reality of the self, which is the light within. A true Guru observes, listens, and does not get caught in stories of the students. The Guru uses the stories of the students to make things clear to the student and then it is only up to the true student who wants to hear the message hidden in it.
A true Guru is one who shares love with all those who come, always forgiving at the same time being detached. A true Guru does not hold on to students, he or she shares love with them who comes, yet lets go of students very easily, when the student feels like leaving.
As the Guru is only a boat person, taking all across the river of life. The Guru does not ask any real student to leave, but yet it is the freedom of the student to leave.
A true Guru is a person who chose to live in the world, dealing with the craziness of the people of the world. He or she gives you the opportunity to go beyond the world, when you can find it in yourself to see the Guru as your light, because, then you will find your own light within yourself, since the Guru can only be as a mirror, but never your real Guru, because only you are your own true Guru.
2012, I have been with Shri Param for more then 9 years, and he still keeps sharing with me the wonders of living.
Om shanti shanti shanti